Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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