textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
