im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
