no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
