Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
