i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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