There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
