i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
