Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
