You smell like a Billy Joel song
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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