Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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