Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
