i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
