I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
