you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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