I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When did angry sex become our thing?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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