R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
