Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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