I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
