The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
