Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
