i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We had sex on a dog bed..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
