Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
