I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
