It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
