I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
