I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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