I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
