Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
