My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
