The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
