ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
