she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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