Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
