Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
