Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
