I understand Curling. That high.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
