so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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