Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
