I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
