I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
