guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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