If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
