Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
