where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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