He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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