She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
