that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
