Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
