my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
