Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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