did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He passed out mid-signature
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
