remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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