She's JV to your varsity
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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