This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
