i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
