I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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