ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
me + whiskey = a bad person
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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